Stupid Starheads....But They Make a First 5

"There's a tear in my beer, 'Cause I'm cryin' for ya dear..."

In my area there is a lot of gnashing of teeth and drinking of alcohol because of the lack of ...well...a lot of things on Sunday. As a bit of an extra piling on, I will put in order the top five moments that caused the Dallas Cowboys season to fall in the crapper.

5. Versus Washington, September 28th. The Cowboys showed a real lack of commitment to the running game as they fell to the hated Redskins at home. This began to show a trend in falling in love with throwing the ball.

4. November 2nd, at the Giants. Backup QB (we'll get to that in a moment, but if there was a six on my list it was whoever made the decision Brad Johnson can still play in this league), but huge NFC East game. Mike Jennings has an opportunity to stop smallish Derrick Ward, but wiffs with a lot less than his full effort.

3. Pittsburgh, December 7, the Cowboys hit 'em hard and with half a quarter remaining had a two score lead against the mighty Steelers in less than pristine conditions. When the smoke had cleared, Tony Romo was looking at the backside Deshea Townsend as he crossed the goal line. What was perceived as moral victory was in fact a devastating loss.

2. December 28th, at Philly. This will in most cases be the number one. But, the true Cowboy watcher saw this one coming. No matter how you wish it to be different, you knew that this was going to bad. The complete domination highlighted what had been a problem all season. It was like the perfect microcosm of what was wrong.

a. Who's in charge? Romo over ruled the Wadester and went for it on fourth and inches in the third quarter. (Somebody needed to, geez, Wade..punt, really?)

b. Offensive impotence. Somebody needed to give the 'Boys some pretty blue pills to put something into that dog of a performance.

c. Mistakes. Turnovers, penalties cost this team seriously. In my humble opinion, this team played stupider than every team in the league next to Detroit.


1. The true number one reason why the 'Boys are watching the season is October 12th at Arizona. There are some major reasons why this is the number one cause to a non playoff year in Dallas.

a. Tony Romo is out for a month. (The starheads will go 1-2, losing to the hapless Rams).

b. Felix Jones is out for the season. The Cowboys lost their most consistent playmaker. (Which in itself is an indictment of the entire offense when the number two running back is the most productive compared to his time out there.)

c. Matt McBriar is out for the season. Yeah, I know he's just a punter, but heck he was a top three punter in the NFL. Especially against Pittsburgh his loss was noticeable.

There it is, an autopsy on the season that could've been, First 5 style.

Random Christmas Thoughts...Traditional Notions...and of course a First 5 List

Christmas comes in all of its splendor...or splenda...I get 'em mixed up...you know, the one that isn't a sweetner. In the wake of the season, one turns their mind to the traditional trappings of Christmas. In my almost 30 (40, really) years of candy cane receiving, mall hopping, traffic cursing, and, occassional bible versing, I have discovered some of my favorite traditions have gone the way of the Do Do Bird. In the 'Lane' early days our traditions were these. Putting up the Christmas Tree the day after Thanksgiving to the sounds of the record 'Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.' On Christmas Eve the siblings and I would gather around the 13 inch non plasma television to watch Ghostbusters. But, also, on Christmas Eve we would go to church...have friends out...read the Christmas Story from Luke. Maybe eat a tamale...go to bed...wish for He Man, new bikes, or video games for Atari.

Nowadays, life goes too quick for me. I now know the slower pace my parents took with me was the exception not the rule. Possibly for living in the Texas Hill Country. As we sit, my honey and I, during one of our favorite times of the day (nap time), blogging, I know we've instituted our own traditions. More traditional of our old ones, but as meaningful. Cookies and milk for Santa, hanging with the inlaws and outlaws on both sides during the holidays, and learning the true meaning of what this season is about. Giving, sharing, and Jesus, from the eyes of a three year old and 1.5 year old.

Anyways, for those of you that skipped to the First 5 list...here it is.

FIRST 5 BEST CHRISTMAS CARTOONS

5. Veggie Tales-The Star Of Christmas-Probably not well known, but as some one who has seen it in it's entireity literally fifty times, it is well done. It is humorous and it is meaningful. It has comedy and heart all in one. The usual Veggie Tales touch. The only reason it's not higher is because of its relative anonymity.

4. The Polar Express. One word...Cool. From the story line to the effects it is just a cool flick. Tom Hanks is fabulous as usual. Their portrayal of the North Pole during Christmas is just what I always dreamed it to be.

3. The Grinch That Stole Christmas. Classic and cool. The cartoon version has some of the best music of any cartoon, 'You're a mean one...Mr. Grinch.' is just awesome. Plus, really can any of you really blame the guy? He's against all the Who's because of their materialism and noise. But, once he finds out that their is 'something more' to Christmas he becomes an old softy.

2. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer-When I was a kid this was the ultimate show. You looked for this and when it happened to be on you watched it with a sort of happy nervous feeling. Technically not a cartoon, (Screw it, my list I'll change the rules if I want to)but the claymation made it look sort of creepy. To be honest, that built in creepy effect, especially with the Abominal Snowman, made this show truly amazing. Also, hearing Burl Ives singing 'Silver and Gold' is truly an every year Christmastime need for me.

1. Merry Christmas Charlie Brown-The original one. Every thing is spot on in this one. From the materialism of everyone around Charlie Brown, including his dog, to the small 'underdog' tree he's bought, to the Christmas Story told by Linus (again another holiday staple that I never get tired of hearing.) There is comedy and loads and loads of heart. Plus, a little Christmas magic as they turn that pathetic little shrub of a tree to a beautiful mini Christmas Tree.

Well, there's my list. Kids are waking up...so Lane has gotta go do what Lane does best. Watch football!!.

Adios.

The Biggest Loser, In More Than One Sense....and another list

At First 5 central you get all sorts of unsolicited opinions. I have followed a show with less than fanatic interest called 'The Biggest Loser.' I have seen others of this ilk, but this show for some reason had me actually rooting for some of them to gain weight.

First of all, I was really happy that the Texas girl Michelle won. (We've been to the church she's a part of several times) That was extremely cool.

But, then the other four possibles I had extreme issues with. Shall we go through them?

Vicky...or as I prefer, Bitchy. The self proclaimed game player spent much of the time trying to bend the rules, go around the rules, or gripe at Amy because she was color blind for one vote.

Ed....nice guy...it's nice that he lost all that weight...too bad he had to lose his balls along with it. Come on, man....your self sacrificial act of throwing the weigh in and then your 'stepping aside' for your wife made you look like a neutered cat...again, truly not getting into the spirit of the game.

Heba...what Ed had in self sacrifice, she had in self....well, selfishness. I'm glad my wife loves to watch the TV on mute and close caption. Otherwise, two hours of her whiney voice would've had me watching the Wonder Pets with our dependents.

Anyways, todays topic is TV Shows. First 5 BEST comedic TV shows of all time. Again, totally my opinion, but let the arguements rage.


5. Scrubs-The ultimate survivor series. Stupid humor always works. It also borrows/steals from other shows. For instance the Doogie Howser sum up, the wild Allie McBeal flashbacks,but, this show always has heart.

4. Simpsons-The longest sitcom in the history of TV. Maybe not as fresh as it was. (Or maybe I'm just growing too old to understand it) But, in regards of pure humor, had some of the funniest moments I have ever seen on TV.

3. Friends-Changed the face of comedy with the lack of 'THE star'. The cast was the star. There was no Lucy, Archie, Jerry, or even Homer. It was six people with equal importance. It has basically in my opinion influenced other shows like 'How I met Your Mother' comes to mind.

2. All in The Family-This show was ahead of its time by probably three decades. In fact, the stuff they talked about on TV in the seventies is still not really broached in today's world. Racism, alcholism, and just plain prejudiced had a light shown on it weekly on that show. No one was safe.

1. MASH-The first real comedy that showed more depth than just ha ha. A fine cast, a fine story line, and yeah, a lot of political commentary. It was a show that even now can mess with my emotions.

A New Blog Begins and Help for the Girls

This blog is inspired by the movie Hi Fidelity where the characters begin to discuss their top five this and that. In those words, you find out about the depth of their characters...or perhaps it was just the fact that I was rather happy go lucky with lots and lots of adult beverages. Either way, I thought this was an interesting way to bring out my opinions on the stuff that is around from Alien movies to zoo exhibits.

These opinions have no reference in fact, but are just my humble opinion..which I guess is pretty much fact anyways. So, to start out this blog, I will throw out my first First Five List. The topic is seasonal and for the girls...

Best Gifts for Your Guy...under $100

5. Adult Beverages. Works as a stockin stuffer. Most of us love Jack Daniels, but I'm sure that you know his favorite beverage.

4. NFL/NHL/NBA/MLB Jersey of their favorite player-Most of us root for the laundry, but occassionally you'll have some one play on your team that you actually like. Might show that you actually know what he's interested

3. MP3 or Ipod already downloaded with his favorite songs.

2. Toys. Not necessarily sexual, but while we're on the subject something nice for you is always works. But, video games, poker supplies, cowboy stuff, CD's, etc. Whatever he spends his small amount of free time with.

1. Time out with the guys certificate with spending cash. (This only works if they have kids and or have very little time off. )

Bonus: First 5 over rated gifts.

5. Shoes-We need three...you guys need thirty. Not fun for us.

4. Formal Clothes-We're like kids. I hate getting clothes that are for 'Sunday' for a gift. (This is not the same as casual fun clothes...i.e. Sports stuff.)

3. Cologne-Why? Are ya trying to tell us something? Might as well wrap up deodorant and a bar of soap.

2. Tickets to operas/plays or anything that has culture involved. Do not think that your guy is gonna love that you got great tickets for the Nutcracker for 'Christmas for Both of You'. Most of us would have to think a minute before we could decide if we want to watch the 'Nutcracker' or have our nuts literally cracked.

1. Ties. I may use my next tie to hang myself if I get one.


Hope you enjoyed the first thrown together list.

-Lane