End of the Road...the Final First 5...at Least On this Site

Trying to give two blogs the proper amount of time just can't happen with my busy schedule...of watching Hogan's Heroes and Scrubs. So, what I've done is decided to give up this site and put it only on my main site, Sneaky Daddy. Every Friday will be a First 5 Friday on that site. If you love lists, it will remain one day a week on SD.

But, I figured I'd give you guys a final First 5 as a good bye to this home...

First 5 Country Musicians...In Lane's World.

For me to any other form of music would be like a dog comparing kitty litter. I'm aware of them, they just don't do it for me. Do I believe my list is the absolute best in country music all time. Nope. Just the ones I like...ya don't agree, make your own list.

5. George Strait-He was country music for the 80's and 90's. So many of his songs were number ones that I can't even begin to count them. On any other person's list he would be at least number one. But, my lists are supposed to be intriguing so, George, enjoy your First 5 Status.

4. Clint Black-Killing Time is one of my favorite CD's. I had a buddy of mine actually tell me that ever song on there reminded him of his first great failed relationship and then explained exactly how during a long....long trip in North Texas. Can any country CD ever want more.

3. Garth Brooks-I know he's weird and his career jumped the shark, but his first couple of CD's are still some of the best ever produced. Some of his songs have deeper meaning for me than I can ever hope to convey...or choose to. That's why he edges George and Clint.

2. Marty Robbins-I grew up on Merle (Haggard) and Marty (Robbins). My love of Marty's music stuck. Not the love songs...they kind of suck...but the gunfighter ballads...'They're Hangin' Me Tonight', 'The Ballad of Billy The Kid', 'Big Iron', etc. His story telling was superb on several fronts. You really get the feel for the poor stupid cowhand in 'El Paso.' I like stories and his music gave me a lot to digest.

1. Robert Earl Keen-Probably because of Marty did I find myself revolving toward REK. His brand of music has the accomplished story telling feel. Every time he sings, you feel like it's you, him, and a few buddies downing a few beers on a porch. He has many songs of that speak of sort of darker tones and some with a lot of humor.

Well, there's my last list on this site...sort of autobiographical...so to speak. Don't forget, troll over to Sneaky Daddy for your fix of First 5 Lists.

Man, This is BCS

Since, the Bowl Championship Series has been fiction for several years, (with the possible exception of USC vs Texas a few years back), First 5 has decided to use many different criteria to decide who is this years National Champion. It is a shame that the morons that run college football have decided to keep an antiquated, outdated, and, to be pefectly honest, crappy bowl system.

Who actually gives a rodent's rump about half of these games? Even people in Ohio didn't care that Cincy was playing VA Tech. Notre Dame vs Hawaii? Sheesh, the match up was bad, the actual game sucked much worse. Don't forget these unbelievable matchups either, Buffalo vs Connecticut, Ball State vs Tulsa, geez, I can't go on. But, let's just say their were like a dozen horrible games just like that. Wouldn't it have been cool to have an eight team playoff? You could still have those crummy bowls with the playoff inbedded in them. But, no, nobody in college football with any authority has vision. So, let's get on with the final poll of the season, which again, was left unfinished.

5. Oklahom. Great offense, that tey forgot to pack up for the trip against the Gators. Had some bad luck along the way, like losing their big play threat at running back....and forgettig how to score in the red zone. Big game Bob got out coached.....again.

4. USC. Sure, they might well be the best team in college football. The problem is very simple. They lost to a mediocre Oregon State team and they didn't schedule anybody in the preconference schedule. Would've been a cool matchup though wouldn't it? USC vs Texas in the first round of a playoff? Sigh.

3. Texas. If not for a dropped INT against the hated Red Raiders, then it couldn've been them instead of OU against Florida. However, it wasn't meant to be. They phoned it in the rest of the way.

2. Florida. Might be the best team in the nation. The BCS recognizes them as so. Regardless of the next team that I have as my national champion, Tim Tebow wins my 'Pure Balls' player of the year. Apologizing to the fans of Florida for thier performance in their one loss. Then, not losing the rest of the way against some pretty good teams. Just balls...pure balls.

1. Utah. As the proponents of the bowls say, "The regular season is the playoffs" Well, this team was not eliminated. They knocked down all that was put in front of them. Including #6 Alabama and #7 TCU. They beat 6 bowl contenders out of 12 games, including dominating Alabama. I truly have respect for what the Gators accomplished, knocking off ten bowl teams and what the guantlet that Texas and OU had to go through in the Big 12 South. But, this was a quality undefeated team, so that's why they get my nod as the First 5 National Champions of 2008.

Here's hoping that they scrap this pile of crap.

A First 5 Look at Reality....Shows

One day my wife, Jill, and I were watching WKRP in Cincinatti. In this one, Herb had a camera crew following him around and we decided that this was TV ahead of it's time. That show had turned the clock forward and hit on something that is now, well to forgive the pun, reality.

As I watch the great reality show known as 'The Biggest Loser', I was reminded of what kind of idiots those morons at NBC can be. They truly have a great thing going as in my humble opinion it is the greatest reality show going. All they have to do is go with their usual formula, bottom two are voted off the island so to speak. But, no, they have to trick it up with 'twists' that make the game totally unfair and so far this season unwatchable for me. (But, I know I'll get sucked in eventually.) So, I decided to do a First 5 salute to reality shows.

First 5 Most Important Reality Shows Ever-

5. Top Chef-Not sure if it really is reality, but I kind of have to list it here. It is great ness on so many fronts, the pressure, the reality of the big time restaurants, the cockiness of Tom the Chef, and the arguments as the Top Chef wannabes continue to throw each other under the bus during elimination time.

4. The Biggest Loser-This show to be honest is my favorite all time. But, to be fair, it probably isn't the most important. It does have a lot of nice little stories about people overcoming obstacles that I fortunately have yet to face. This is a feel good show. Just not that many of them out there.

3. The Real World-The first. That right there get's them in the five, but, they had some foresight by making sure the people involved were simply interesting, opinionated, and to be honest, somewhat jerkish. They found personality conflicts waiting to happen and placed them in one house. It was a train wreck waiting to happen...and it did over and over again.

2. Survivor-I'll admit, I hate this show. I feel that it is by far the most unwatchable show on television (well next to Golden Girls and Rhoda reruns), but I will acknowledge its greatness. The fact that we use a term from their show, 'voted off the island', in general speech is enough to get it to the top...just not over it.

1. The Bachelor-Many have duplicated, Rock of Love and Flavor of Love (which I'm fairly sure it was a chance for two aging musical artist to score some women without effort), but none have come up with the amazing mix of class, romance, and stupidity that the Bachelor trots out there weekly. Seriously, what are the odds that you can ever hope to find true love in that situation? We watch and feel superior as the people play out their love affair in front of our very eyes. They have less time with their 'intended' than I do with a pair of sunglasses. (Private fact, an average pair of shades for Lane lasts about two weeks). They spout out love, they rationalize rejection, and then you have the usual rejected woman that says something like, "I know I'm some one special, so and so missed a great thing when he kicked me to the curb. I know we were meant to be together, but now I know I can give some one my whole heart."

Now I have to rinse the reality off of me...yuck!!!


---Lane

Audio Survival in the Toddler Jungle

Thanks to my wife, Jill, for helping me to make my site a little more...well, me. She is a Godsend in so many ways I can't even list them.

I thought that I'd throw out another First 5 list in honor of the new face lift. This one is for all of us that on occasion, watch preschoolers. As you wander around your once clean living room that has just now seemed to spring out toy cars, blocks, and other things that are painful to step on, you might find yourself needing to slip away into the wonder that is TV. As you click on to Sportscenter, Monk, or Hogan's Heroes reruns, a cry will spring out for a certain show to be watched. You can try to ignore it, reason that you're the adult, but at some point, the TV will hit the areas you tried to avoid from the beginning.

I remember the first time it happened to me. I remember that I sat there, watching my TV get hijacked by my 3 year old and my 1.5 year old, I thought two things. First of all, even though I get to pay the bills, my kids blackmail me with bouts of whining, shrieking, and general 'let's screw with Daddy's TV watching experience. So, I began to figure out that these kids, with the combined ages of less than six, have already begun to outsmart me. This leads me to believe that I should, as my grandfather once said, take my floppy hat and go over the hill.

Secondly, some of these shows aren't bad. There is some entertainment value in their somewhere...but, you must be vigilant. Because you might find yourself watching some hideously bad show. As a public service, First 5 will help you wade through the good, the bad, and the hideous.

So, here are First 5 okay watches for the hostage dad (or mom) and ones that will beat you down so bad you'll start drooling worse than your new born.

First 5 'Hey, These Aren't Bad' Parental Watching Preschool Shows.

5. Backyardigans. I love the plot line of how everything that happens, is imaginary in their backyard. I think it is cool that they can help teach the kids that imagination is a foundation to their happiness. Plus, the music isn't bad and is kind of catchy.

4. Handy Manny. 'My name is Pat. I'm a hammer.' Love it. Cracks me up. All the tools have a different personality. The stories are pretty interesing. Best Part....heaven help me, I like the hammer. He's like a concussed middle schooler.

3. Wonder Pets. Has a special place in my heart as it has helped calmed both of my girls at rather important times by just singing the chorus. If you pay attention, they throw out a little humor for the adults. It is three school house pets that save animals in need. Best part, Ming Ming will crack you up.

2. Spongebob Squarepants. Probably the least beneficial for the moral good of your kid. But, it is above average funny. I'll sometimes watch this on my own. If your bored, give it a shot. Best Part, Patrick. He is a starfish that is about as bright as night.

1. Veggie Tales. The whole package. Very good messages from a Christian viewpoint. But, also EXTREMELY funny. I will sometimes turn down the radio and listen to the kids' TV's in the back. Best part, silly songs by Larry.

First 5 'Please Kill Me Now, Shows' (I know all of these shows have a good message, but it still doesn't make me want to beat my head with a bat any less.)

5. Wiggles. I'm sure you have all heard of this show. The music isn't horrible, in fact some songs will stay with you all day ...just the whole concept annoys me. Most annoying? Captain Feathersword. He will tell everyone how good their dancing and generally has a big bag of nothing. But, cool game you can play with any other adult in the room. Which Wiggles is the most gay? At first I thought it was Jeff, but now after much (unfortunately) research, I think Murray edges him out.

4. Oswald. If the music doesn't put you to sleep, the action, voices, and pretty much everything else will. It is the story of a Octopus (I think voiced by Fred Savage) who lives by a penguin (who is voiced by Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley). Most annoying part of this show? That penguin calling Oswald ol' Pal, or ol' Buddy, or ol' Friend. Second most annoying thing? My oldest LOVES this show.

3. Max and Ruby-Unwatchable. Just a story of bunnies. No humor that I can detect...just...well....I fell asleep the first time within two minutes and almost caused an 'incident'. (Let's just say it involved the 1.5 year old and her climbing abilities.) Worst part? Can't really say, I couldnt stay with it long enough to develop an opinion.

2. Charlie and Lola-Unwatchable times three. Why in this day an age can they not get someone who can draw these cartoons digitally? Why am I back in the seventies with this cartoon? No humor, VERY ANNOYING accents. Since my kids can't read, we have successfully avoided this show. Worst Part, again, the accents. Their very bad British accents.

1. Barney. This show is so bad that you really have to find it now to watch it. For those of you not cursed with Barney memories, it is a show where dinosaurs help teach your toddler how to live. Just what I need, a purple T-Rex telling me and my children "I love you, you love me...". Most annoying part....Barney...everything he says, everything he does.

There it is. The shows you can kind of enjoy and the shows that you need to avoid. Good luck out there in the toddler jungle.


----Lane

Have You Ever Danced With The Devil? Batman First 5's

Ah yes, the famous Joker quote in the first Batman movie. As I watched the latest Batman movie, I thought, what a great series to do what I do. Analyze, criticize, and hypothesize? So, tonight, in honor of New Years Day, I would like to have 5, count 'em 5 Batman First 5 lists.


First of all....greatest villain characters of all time.

5. The Scarecrow. Dr. Crane predates Freddy Kruegar (first written in the 1940's Batman comic strips) as a man who feeds off the fears of others. He is a secondary villain, no doubt, but he is without a doubt one of the more intriguing.

4. The Riddler. Pretty cool idea of a guy who speaks naught but riddles. An evil genius with a bit of a Jeopardy Complex. Cool green suit too.

3. Catwoman. A girl who actually has a lot of decent qualities...who, if you believe Batman Returns, has the hots for the Caped Crusader. A true paradox of emotions that leaves you kind of rooting for her.

2. Two Face...just a very interesting character. Seriously, a guy that once was good, turned bad by circumstance is good theatre. I also love the idea of deciding all of his actions by flipping a coin. Allowing fate to take a hand in all decisions. Unlike Catwoman, you never really find yourself rooting for this monster, but you do find yourself pitying him.

1. Joker. Okay, I never claimed to be totally unique, but this is an obvious choice. In fact, this is probably my favorite villain of all time. His comedic flair for evil, his super intelligence combined with a slightly higher than boyish mischievousness, plus...I think purple is cool.


Okay, the next five are best performances on the silver screen of these villains. Without a doubt, some are obvious, but what the hell, it's all for fun anyway.

5. Michelle Pfeiffer-Catwoman. Playing normal than playing over the top is tough. Plus, throw in a star crossed love affair with Bruce Wayne, really tough. She pulls it off.
4. Jim Carey-The Riddler. As an actor he has a very likeable personality. In this movie...I don't like him. He is his usual over the top persona...plus he's bad. I'm not sure why it works for me..but it does. It seems exactly what I expect with a twist.

3. Aaron Echart-Two Face. I really think this guy portrays what Two Face was supposed to be. Disillusioned...angry....and insane. He falls off the deep in in the Dark Knight so convincingly I wince. (Not just the half face makeup, which was exceptional.) He was totally overshadowed by Ledger's performance, but his was exceptional too.)
2. Jack Nicholson-Joker. Yep, this guy played that part better than I could've ever anticipated. He was dramatic, sadistic, and just a hare away from being over the top. Without a doubt he was what I thought the Joker should be for over a decade..well until last year.

1. Heath Ledger-Joker. He should get lots of honors for his final roll. I made a prediction before watching this that the critics would call his performance 'haunting.' I was right....the part I didn't expect is they were right. I honestly have never seen a better performance. If he doesn't win an Academy Award that will be a crime.

Why so serious?

Now, Top 5 worst performances.

5. Liam Neeson-Ra's al Ghul (Henri Ducard). I've seen the movie twice...and am not sure what the hell this guy does. The movie was pedestrian and so was his performance.

4. Danny Devito-The Penguin. Creepy...but that's about it. It was forced and choppy..the performance, not just Devito in the Penguin outfit.

3. Tommy Lee Jones-Two Face. I put this in the same category as Carey...I expected something interesting, instead I got...that. He's a great actor, he was just miscast. He played it too far over the top...that character needed to be more broody and somber. I blame Jones less than the casting agency on this.

2. Arnold Schwarzenegger-Mr. Freeze. Wow, could ya be more mechanical? I know, the point is the guy is frozen and damn near a machine...but Arnold was sub-bad. There's bad...and the guy dug deeper and found a new version of awful that I didn't no exist. (By the way, this from the one guy in the world that liked 'Last Action Hero.')

1. Uma Thurman-Poison Ivy. I'm not going to waste a lot of space here....it was terrible, dreadful, worst than warm hominy on a cold day with a good taste of week over due milk to wash it down.
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Next, Best Batman

5. George Clooney. He's Ocean...not Batman. If their were six people that played Batman, would've been six. So, he makes the list by default.

4. Adam West-Total cartoonish portrayal....for all honesty that is what was expected for that time. He did the job, no less and no more.

3. Christian Bale-My wife would have him worse than West, but she never even heard of Adam West. I liked Bale's performance in that he wasn't so bad that it ruined Ledger's and Echart's performances. It was good enough to make the first Batman (at least in that series) work, kind of. Plus, he is the Batman of my favorite movie of the series, the Dark Knight.

2. Val Kilmer-Just cool...he played the Batman like I would've loved to see it played ...if Keaton hadn't had nailed it first. He underplayed it well, especially as Jones and Carey overplayed their parts. His quiet portrayal worked.

1. Michael Keaton-He is Batman...unassuming...weirdly heroic...and with a great sense of humor regarding the situation. Keaton truly owned the part, everyone after it, just hasn't fit.

And lastly, First 5 Batman Movies

5. Batman Forever-Kilmer tries hard to save this one...almost does it. It's not horrible, (see Batman and Robin if you want horrible) but it's barely gets to decent.

4. Batman Returns-The good, Compelling story line with the Batman and Catwoman's dalliances. Keaton's performance is excellent...again. (By the way, I think he does better in this one than the first one. ) The bad, the Penguin is the main story line, which I found to fair at best. This would've been a better movie if they took the Penguin out, and had this the Catwoman, Batman, and the other baddy just be Max Shreck (played as Christopher Walken, the way Walken plays everything.)

3. Batman Begins-A new view of how to look at this story, makes this compelling. Bale doesn't suck as Batman, Neeson doesn't exist as the baddy, and the one real compelling villain, the Scarecrow, isn't more than a secondary plotline. All in all, could be worse. Not what your looking for in a series starter, but the other movies had set the bar so low, that this one works.

2. Batman-Story line is okay. Final moments of the movie probably were the best, which isn't that bad. Keaton is good, Nicholson is great, and this movie was the bar setter for literally two decades plus. Still even now, very watchable.

1. The Dark Knight-No matter what your looking for, this is a great movie. Fabulous performances everywhere, Ledger, Eckhart, and Maggie Gyllenhaal (geez, when she is tied to those barrels of gas, doesn't she tug at your emotions?) Plus, the rest of the assemble, Kaine, Freeman, and Oldman do very good to astounding jobs in their roles. This one rates probably very high in my all time favorite movies....which is a First 5 for another day.


I hope you enjoyed the lists and have a Happy New Years!!!

Stupid Starheads....But They Make a First 5

"There's a tear in my beer, 'Cause I'm cryin' for ya dear..."

In my area there is a lot of gnashing of teeth and drinking of alcohol because of the lack of ...well...a lot of things on Sunday. As a bit of an extra piling on, I will put in order the top five moments that caused the Dallas Cowboys season to fall in the crapper.

5. Versus Washington, September 28th. The Cowboys showed a real lack of commitment to the running game as they fell to the hated Redskins at home. This began to show a trend in falling in love with throwing the ball.

4. November 2nd, at the Giants. Backup QB (we'll get to that in a moment, but if there was a six on my list it was whoever made the decision Brad Johnson can still play in this league), but huge NFC East game. Mike Jennings has an opportunity to stop smallish Derrick Ward, but wiffs with a lot less than his full effort.

3. Pittsburgh, December 7, the Cowboys hit 'em hard and with half a quarter remaining had a two score lead against the mighty Steelers in less than pristine conditions. When the smoke had cleared, Tony Romo was looking at the backside Deshea Townsend as he crossed the goal line. What was perceived as moral victory was in fact a devastating loss.

2. December 28th, at Philly. This will in most cases be the number one. But, the true Cowboy watcher saw this one coming. No matter how you wish it to be different, you knew that this was going to bad. The complete domination highlighted what had been a problem all season. It was like the perfect microcosm of what was wrong.

a. Who's in charge? Romo over ruled the Wadester and went for it on fourth and inches in the third quarter. (Somebody needed to, geez, Wade..punt, really?)

b. Offensive impotence. Somebody needed to give the 'Boys some pretty blue pills to put something into that dog of a performance.

c. Mistakes. Turnovers, penalties cost this team seriously. In my humble opinion, this team played stupider than every team in the league next to Detroit.


1. The true number one reason why the 'Boys are watching the season is October 12th at Arizona. There are some major reasons why this is the number one cause to a non playoff year in Dallas.

a. Tony Romo is out for a month. (The starheads will go 1-2, losing to the hapless Rams).

b. Felix Jones is out for the season. The Cowboys lost their most consistent playmaker. (Which in itself is an indictment of the entire offense when the number two running back is the most productive compared to his time out there.)

c. Matt McBriar is out for the season. Yeah, I know he's just a punter, but heck he was a top three punter in the NFL. Especially against Pittsburgh his loss was noticeable.

There it is, an autopsy on the season that could've been, First 5 style.

Random Christmas Thoughts...Traditional Notions...and of course a First 5 List

Christmas comes in all of its splendor...or splenda...I get 'em mixed up...you know, the one that isn't a sweetner. In the wake of the season, one turns their mind to the traditional trappings of Christmas. In my almost 30 (40, really) years of candy cane receiving, mall hopping, traffic cursing, and, occassional bible versing, I have discovered some of my favorite traditions have gone the way of the Do Do Bird. In the 'Lane' early days our traditions were these. Putting up the Christmas Tree the day after Thanksgiving to the sounds of the record 'Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.' On Christmas Eve the siblings and I would gather around the 13 inch non plasma television to watch Ghostbusters. But, also, on Christmas Eve we would go to church...have friends out...read the Christmas Story from Luke. Maybe eat a tamale...go to bed...wish for He Man, new bikes, or video games for Atari.

Nowadays, life goes too quick for me. I now know the slower pace my parents took with me was the exception not the rule. Possibly for living in the Texas Hill Country. As we sit, my honey and I, during one of our favorite times of the day (nap time), blogging, I know we've instituted our own traditions. More traditional of our old ones, but as meaningful. Cookies and milk for Santa, hanging with the inlaws and outlaws on both sides during the holidays, and learning the true meaning of what this season is about. Giving, sharing, and Jesus, from the eyes of a three year old and 1.5 year old.

Anyways, for those of you that skipped to the First 5 list...here it is.

FIRST 5 BEST CHRISTMAS CARTOONS

5. Veggie Tales-The Star Of Christmas-Probably not well known, but as some one who has seen it in it's entireity literally fifty times, it is well done. It is humorous and it is meaningful. It has comedy and heart all in one. The usual Veggie Tales touch. The only reason it's not higher is because of its relative anonymity.

4. The Polar Express. One word...Cool. From the story line to the effects it is just a cool flick. Tom Hanks is fabulous as usual. Their portrayal of the North Pole during Christmas is just what I always dreamed it to be.

3. The Grinch That Stole Christmas. Classic and cool. The cartoon version has some of the best music of any cartoon, 'You're a mean one...Mr. Grinch.' is just awesome. Plus, really can any of you really blame the guy? He's against all the Who's because of their materialism and noise. But, once he finds out that their is 'something more' to Christmas he becomes an old softy.

2. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer-When I was a kid this was the ultimate show. You looked for this and when it happened to be on you watched it with a sort of happy nervous feeling. Technically not a cartoon, (Screw it, my list I'll change the rules if I want to)but the claymation made it look sort of creepy. To be honest, that built in creepy effect, especially with the Abominal Snowman, made this show truly amazing. Also, hearing Burl Ives singing 'Silver and Gold' is truly an every year Christmastime need for me.

1. Merry Christmas Charlie Brown-The original one. Every thing is spot on in this one. From the materialism of everyone around Charlie Brown, including his dog, to the small 'underdog' tree he's bought, to the Christmas Story told by Linus (again another holiday staple that I never get tired of hearing.) There is comedy and loads and loads of heart. Plus, a little Christmas magic as they turn that pathetic little shrub of a tree to a beautiful mini Christmas Tree.

Well, there's my list. Kids are waking up...so Lane has gotta go do what Lane does best. Watch football!!.

Adios.